I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
