So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
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It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
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He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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