His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
