so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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