On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
