Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
