i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
