sarcasm needs its own font
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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