I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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