He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
