Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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