dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
