Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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