Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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