dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
