We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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