Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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