My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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