Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You are the jesus of drinking
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
