do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
