I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
