Define "chronic" masturbator.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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