I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
We need to rekindle our bromance
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
