my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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