when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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