she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
