Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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