i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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