I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
