I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
