..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
