Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The uberlube is also flammable
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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