Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry pleasesurpriseme hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(848): View more from New Jersey

life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.

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(858): View more from California

She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.

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(503): View more from Oregon

PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."

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(812): View more from Indiana

Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....

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(440): View more from Ohio

Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.

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(830): View more from Texas

I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

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(312): View more from Illinois

He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.

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