Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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