Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
