I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
