I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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