how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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