smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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