I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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