If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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