At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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