Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
