I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
