i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
