So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
