A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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