awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
