arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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