so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Randomize
