we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
