she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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