I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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