i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i think i just lost a toe
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