literally had 100 drinks last night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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