checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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