i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
