I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
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my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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