he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
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