I need help removing her.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
