Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
