Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
