I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
