Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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