im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
