Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's never too late to be topless.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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