my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
