he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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