So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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