So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
