Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Still dying that you shit outside
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
