Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
