I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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