you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
