he wants to bone in the snuggie
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
