I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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