I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
