I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
