You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
