She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
