Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
