WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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