I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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