You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
