I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
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Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
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So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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