I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
