U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
