I puked a lego.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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